Thankfulness for a Tribe

Sometimes we realize how lucky we really are and I am thankful I got that opportunity this past Saturday. I decided to throw a little get together for the small tribe I have that has been through the thick of all this mess with me and helped support and hold me on my lowest days. This group was not only the ones that took care of me on the bad days, but gave me the tough love I need on the blah days, that gives me a reason to laugh on the down days, and makes my days better with their smiles each and every sad day.

With it being so close to Thanksgiving, I think it is a good time to call out a few special people that have made the continuation of my journey possible and give my utmost thanks to my tribe.

All the SPAZ supporters, thank you so much for making this dream come true. You are the reason we are able to do this and we are able to talk about and bring light to such a dark subject. You supporting our cause is the way we get to break the stigma of mental health and show support for those going through their battle with the disease. I cannot thank you enough for helping to grow this beautiful movement.

To the Bitches that Whatever, I appreciate you all so much! I love that we get to share all the good and bad times together and that we can do that openly. We have the best times laughing at the screwed up lives we’ve all been dealt while still getting to embrace and love one another through the pain. Having a group of friends that all love doing the same things is amazing and so uncommon that it makes us all an extra special, screwed up group to whatever together.

To my Blue Family- Robert, Eric, Dave, Jennifer, Jackie, Caitlin, Clarice, and all the many many others that have reached out to me and listened and just shown your unwavering support, I cannot thank you enough. You have made the biggest difference in my journey. Eric I can’t thank you enough for all the texts, the info session phone call, and all the love. You all are the best non-blood family anyone could ever have! Here’s to getting the family back together again!

To my Orange Family- Orangtheory came to me by total accident, but it was the best accident you could ever have. OTF was my safe place, I would have suicidal thoughts and be scared to be alone and leave to go to OTF to save myself. Harry, Chrissy, Lynn, Robert, Ash, Katherine you guys have been the best support and outside source of motivation. You all don’t know my whole story, but you’ve embraced me and loved me on the days I’ve felt unlovable. I can’t thank you enough for that! You all gave me a safe place to run to on the days were my where my life was so close to ending.

To my Y family, the ones that stood up and took my place when I had to take a bout of medical leave, to Keith who gave me a hug and told me how much I was loved every single day, and all the members that showed concern when keeping a smile on my face was so draining I could barely move, thank you for your support and love. My tribe here is so strong!

Sam, the puppy sitter, the friendship you have given me is a blessing beyond words. You’ve been so understanding and loving in some of my hardest spots, you’ve given me great encouragement and love, you helped me take care of my puppers when I could barely get myself out of bed, and you helped me be able to adventure with all I had going on while I knew my family was taken care of. I appreciate your friendship more than you will ever know!

W, we have had a lot of rough days. Thank you for being a sounding board that understands. Thank you for the tough love on the days I wanted to die and you knew what to say to make me understand what was going on in my mind. Thank you for understanding the demon and knowing that I wasn’t crazy. Thank you for always lending your ear on the bad days, and letting me return the favor by bouncing the feedback back off of me. Your friendship is a wonderful asset to my life.

Marlee and Stevra, I love you both beyond words. You both have been absolute godsends in my life. Marlee, I can easily say without your love and concern I would not be on this planet now. You always call me on my shit and make me make the promises I feel I have to keep. Thank you for always believing in me, listening to me, and helping to provide me the things I needed in my darkest most lonely hours. You’ve always had my back and I can’t ever repay you for that.

Whit, what a year it has been for us. You have been such an amazing friend, and truly the most amazing asset I’ve ever had the pleasure to gain into my life. There are things that have happened in my life that I would never change just so I could get the opportunity to be your best friend. Thank you for listening to all the crying, all the dreams, all the successes, and all the failures, and always being the best support. You have been an unwavering strong hold in my life, I know I can always go to you and have a friend and confidant. You complete the missing places in my heart on the hardest, roughest days.

To the Curl’s, you all have been such great supporters. You have stood behind me, checked on me, spent many days in prayer for me, and have been the biggest cheerleaders in following our dreams. It has been so rewarding to create something my whole family can understand, support, and gain peace from. I love you all so much and can’t thank you enough for all you do!

Debby & Charlie, I couldn’t have asked for two more amazing people. UC was always my utmost number 1 fan. We would talk for hours about goals and dreams and all the things I wanted SPAZ and my life to become. I miss UC every single day, but I find comfort and peace knowing I have Aunt Debby to step up and take his place as my number 1 supporter and the one to bring me down to earth when I need a check in. I know UC always rides on my shoulder and is with me when I need that extra support to get me through the tough days. He always knew when I was having a rough day and needed a check-in, and today he still comes to visit on the days I need him most.

Dad, Lindsay, and Grandma Diane, I appreciate all you always do for me. This disease has been out of your wheelhouse, but you’ve stood behind me in the depths of hell to bring happiness and laughter to my life. I appreciate all you have done for me, and I love you dearly for it! I’m so excited for the adventures we will have together coming up and creating more memories with all of us together.

Dani B and Austin Randal, the love I have for you two is immeasurable. On the days my life was so close to ending, you two having to live through losing your sissy, was always a reminder in the back of my head that dying wasn’t worth the trauma it would put you through. I want to see you both grow up and become amazing thriving individuals. You both have so much to bring to the world, it would be a huge loss to not see you thrive. I love you both with all my heart, God knew I needed my sister and brother just as much as they need me.

Grandma, since March 11, 1994, I think you have been my number one cheerleader. You have always been my best friend and the one person I could always tell a secret and trust. On all my hard days, I could run to Grandma’s house and find comfort in the love and a good back scratch that only a grandma can give. I miss being able to run to you for comfort now that I live so far away, but I love our phone calls when I get to hear your voice, knowing that it is just as calming for me to know that you love me. You are the best grandma anyone could ask for. Your forgiveness, love, and understanding is something I strive to have everyday. Everyday I want to be just like you and look up to you in every way. You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known.

Mama, oh mama, what in the world would I do without you. I could go on a page long talk about how much you mean to me and what we’ve done together, and all the amazing things we have created, but I will keep it short and sweet. You’ve never backed down from a challenge, when I was a little girl and life hit us like a ton of bricks, we stood up and fought together. We stuck together through the days we wanted to kill each other mutually, and in turn created a beautiful friendship. Now that this disease has rocked our life, we have again took each other’s hand and stood up to fight, together. You are the best mom anyone could ever have, how you’ve stuck beside me through all the mistakes and bad decisions I’ll never know, but I appreciate all your love, support, and forgiveness in all the things we have been through together. I appreciate every step, pedal stroke, arm pull, we have taken together. The chance to get to do the hard things in life with you is a true blessing we have made many jealous of. Creating SPAZ with you and watching it blossom as we put our heart and soul into it is the best gift anyone could ever give. It is incredible to do this journey with you. I love you to the moon and back.

To the one who deserves so much credit for the past 5 months, Ry. You came into my life like a whirlwind, you were the biggest breath of fresh air that I needed in my life. We came to know each other at one of the hardest points of both of our lives. We were unsure of what paths our lives were taking but we both needed a best friend that could understand. I knew when you drove to see me just because I had a bad day and needed a hug that I wanted you to be in my life. I would have never guessed that you would be such a big part of the hardest days of my life. When I didn’t know what to do because everything was literally crumbling beneath me, you stood up for me and took my hand on the absolute most excruciating days of my life. You stayed with me when I couldn’t be alone and made even the worst days have laughter and love included in them. You never tried to fix me, only to stand beside me on the days I couldn’t even figure out how to get up. You always listened to what I needed and need and asked how I was doing to make sure I was okay. You gave my hope in so many things. You gave me love when I thought I most certainly didn’t deserve it. You gave me adventure when I needed to get away because I was in such a scary place. You pushed me to move and get out of bed on the days that moving was so painful physically and mentally that I would have never done it alone.You gave me strength on the days that all of mine was gone. You gave me a reason to live on the days that all I wanted to do was die. I can never repay you for the things you have done for me. Your light, helped to reignite a spark in me that had been out for so long it was almost completely gone. The only thing I know to do to show you how much you mean to me and to give at least a little back to you, is to love you unconditionally through how many ever days this life let’s us be together. There will never be a day you have to wonder if you are loved, because the love I have for you is completely unimaginable. I can never thank you enough…

I have left out so many people that were in my journey this year and I apologize, we are already on page four, I’m trying not to bore everyone to complete death. To sum up this post, the last person I want to thank is…. Me. Thank you for fighting. Thank you for having the will to live. Thank you for pushing through on the days you couldn’t breathe because the world was so heavy on your chest. Thank you for everyday finding something to live for. Thank you for trying to find a smile in every day even when that was the only accomplishment for the day. Thank you for finding a way to give yourself grace, and listening to your body when getting out of bed was all the energy we had that day. Thank you for staying alive, when the urge to die was so strong every second was questionable.

Happy Thanksgiving Week, Much Love to You All!

P :):