The whole time I was pregnant, I would text my mom and tell her about the things no one warned me about in pregnancy. Now with a 6.5 week old.... I have been compiling a mental list (which means I will not remember most of it) of the things I either didn't anticipate or no one gave me the heads up about. Here are some of those things in no particular order:
-Newborns are always sleepy, but that doesn't mean they will sleep
-Baby hands are strong octopus arms that beat the shit out of you without control
-Babies are their own people as soon as they come out of the girly bits. They have their own personality, quirks, and preferences and you cannot convince me otherwise.
-Why in the hell does no one tell you that pushing the baby out is small potatoes compared to the WEEK AFTER having the baby. Pissing literally involved tears and 15 minutes a pop to do all of the things that were required for my lady bits to be bearable.
-After baby, you walk like you have been riding a horse for at least three days because a bus just passed through your vag
-You can be standing in your bathroom minding your own damn business and think, hmmm I think I need to pee, then instantly pee starts running down your leg. WTF...
-Babies sleep all the time. MYTH, they do not fucking sleep all the time and when they do, it doesn't mean you get to accomplish anything or even nap because you may be holding them, rocking them, or being the constant that keeps them asleep, even if only for 20 minutes. (Don't get me wrong, I want to hold and snuggle my baby, but I could handle one nap a day to not require me to be a part of it.)
-Your significant other can sleep through anything, until you get back into bed....
-Postpartum is like pre-menopause. The night sweats are HORRIBLE and you will wake up able to wring out your clothes and completely horrified of the amount of sweat your body can make doing NOTHING.
-The amount of boob leakage and milk wasting that happens at night should be a sin!
-Breastfeeding is rewarding and wonderful and gets better as you get more comfortable, but you will never again not have boob milk on you. Change clothes and put on deodorant and 10 minutes later, covered in boob milk again.
-Uh you get a special kind of stink when you have your baby. What in the hell happened to my arm pits when this boy came out of my lady garden!
-Eating... eating becomes something of necessity and literally becomes a shovel fest into your mouth that you hope you can get down with one hand and a spoon. I look like I am being timed on how fast I can eat any meal. Oh, your meals will never be hot either.
-The first three sips of coffee are the only ones you are going to get and two of them will be cold
-There are times you just want your significant other to be near you. You are so drained from the tiny human, that any adult contact whatsoever is something you are thankful for
-Dreams! You thought your dreams were crazy pregnant, every night comes weird shit that makes you question your sanity
-You can hear your child 3 rooms away, like they are right beside you in your ear, and it is creepy!
-If your baby makes any kind of peep, your tatas tingle and become alert that they might be needed
These in no way are complaints! I have never been so happy and fulfilled in my life. I absolutely love my son, I love being a mom, I love us being a family of three! This list just represents things that COULD have been shared with me so I could have been more prepared or not in shock? I laugh and laugh as I read over these because this grandiose life I pictured with our baby is not what I got. I got an exhausting, incredible, life fulfilling, baby prince who rules the roost and tells mama exactly what he wants her to do.
Technically, I birthed our own communist ruler..... and I love him!
Our Story ;sn't Over
P<3