SUICIDE PREVENTION AND AWARENESS ZONE
THE BIRTH OF A NEW TEAM AND A NEW PURPOSE
And so a new journey begins... Not all doors that close are bad, sometimes they lead to things that become purposeful and full of life for those who need it most.
As long as I can remember I've always been "lost". I never really found a place where I "fit in". I've always been too opinionated, too honest, too invested in my values, too grown for my age, too whatever made me different in any situation. Then I found cycling, running, and triathlon (reluctantly swimming but just enough that I won't drown).
TRIATHLON
Triathlon came about in 2011 when my lovely aunt found a Ramblin' Rose Super Sprint in Winston-Salem that "looked like fun". We decided to do it as a relay, Deb swimming, Val biking, P Running. This turned more into Deb swimming and doing a baseball slide out of the pool during transition, Val walking her Wal-Mart special Mongoose more than half of the 8 mile bike course, and P running all of 200 yards and deciding this was officially the worst idea any of us ever had.
But that was it.....
I was HOOKED!
Seven years and countless races later, I am a century riding, full titanium 140.6 finisher, marathon running, hater of swimming, cycling triathlete that has finally found a place where fitting in doesn't matter! Doing hard stuff, pushing my body to it's limits, and waking up tomorrow to do it again is all that matters!
But how does cycling, triathlon, and marathons correlate with suicide? And most importantly what the hell is SPAZ?
SUICIDE, SPAZ, AND ME
My family suffered a devastating, mind blowing loss when my uncle, 47, shot himself on July 12, 2005. I was 12 years old and had no clue what suicide was really, not psychologically. I remember finding out my uncle had passed away in the back seat of my grandmother's gold suburban when my 2 aunt's and grandmother came to pick me, my mom, and sister up from the airport as we had just returned from France.
I remember pure shock. What the hell?! We leave and come home and our whole lives are now upside down! As I have grown up the uglier details have been brought to my attention but where I still get stuck is no one thought he was going to kill himself or we would have gotten him help... or did we ignore the all to blatant signs?
I too have suffered with the depression battle. It's like riding a roller coaster of where the hell am I going to be tomorrow, on top of the world, coasting on the flats, or in the dark underground tunnel that is never ending? Suicidal thoughts have not ignored my deep crevices, they tell me I am alone, no one cares, you can't do this life alone, why do you even get out of bed, you suck at life, you aren't worth the time people put in to you, you suck and shouldn't burden people with your existence.... Yeah that's the clean and edited versions of what the brain demon says.... (Brain demon, his name has been born too!)
As I earlier mentioned, I've always been different and this time, different is good. Instead of letting myself stay in the hole after fighting the brain demon for 10+ years, I decided about a year ago I would start taking control of my depression and anxiety, and I would be the ruler of my life.... and this is where SPAZ comes to play.
SPAZ Team
Suicide Prevention and Awareness Zone is the name of a new "team" Val and I have decided to create. We are ready to erase the stigma of suicide and start talking about it! We want to raise awareness because the #1 reason people commit suicide is because they do not get help! We want to put help into their faces through physical activity! Any movement at all: walking, running, cycling, triathlon, kayaking, swimming, hiking, crawling, fishing, WHATEVER! We want to share the resources for help and let other's know that we are here listen, support, and push them to the correct resources to get help! We believe that some people may want to be on our team to fight their own brain demons with other's that understand or maybe they want to keep the fire of a candle blown out to soon by suicide alive and burning!
WE ARE NOT A RESOURCE CENTER, but more of a judgment free place to bring awareness to our communities through blogging, social media, exercising, and showing our support for anyone suffering through dark times or coping with the darkness someone else left them with.
So here is to the opening blog post of SPAZ and here is too my wonderful uncle who was taken way to soon but will never be forgotten.
Our Story ;sn't Over
Be Different My Friends! #SPAZ #OurStoryIsntOver
P<3