I feel distant from the blog and the social media sites right now. It is not because I don’t want to post and keep up with my followers, it’s that I don’t know what to say right now…. At first, I let it frustrate me and then I talked to my mom last week and she said, okay, you can’t figure out what to say… talk about that! So… here we go.
You know when your mind is so jumbled that you can’t even begin to understand what is going on inside of it. Decisions are laid out before me, I make a decision and start to feel strong about it, then the over thinking kicks in and it is like square one again. Is my decision right? Am I doing the right thing? Am I thinking about other people’s feelings or mine? I think all the overthinking is a sign that I know what the right answer is, I’m going to make it, but it is NOT the easy one. Not that either decision would be easy, but it is more of which one has the best end result for ME. No one else…. Me. I can only make one person happy in this life and it has to be me. I’ve been so unhappy for so so long, I’ve lost myself. I’ve lost what happy me feels like.
So when you decide happiness is your number one priority, you have to decide, what happiness looks like to you. So I challenge you, close your eyes (after you read this all the way through or what’s the point LOL), go to the first place in your mind that you think of when you think of the word “happy”. What does it look like? What are you doing? Where are you? What does it smell like? Who is or is not around you? Once you open your eyes, jot down all the happy things you just thought of and narrow down what in those things make you genuinely happy. How can you make any of those mesh with your goals for yourself, and help you find more genuine happiness?
Want to know where I went?
I was right here, reliving this day and this photo was exactly what was in my mind. So if this photo is not self explanatory and you don’t know me that well, this photo is FULL of my favorite things!
-Sunshine & Blue Skies
-The person taking the photo (Mom/Family)
-Bicycles (Activity, Movement, but all the Bikes always!)
-Capital Trail (after Four Mile Creek, closer to Richmond stresses me out LOL)
-Charles City, VA
-Corn Field (Vulcan, we always know when we are there even if we can’t see it yet)
-Williamsburg, VA (Just my favorite place ever. Period.)
-Indian Fields Tavern (HAHA great story and now have amazing friends!)
-Breeze
-Genuine Smile
-ZERO Cares
Missing in this photo but need to be mentioned on the happy list:
-Doggies
-Cooking
-Traveling to new places
How do I incorporate these into my goals and happiness? Well first of all, it concreted for me that things that do not necessarily make me happy have been overriding my joy for too long. I have been putting things in my life in the driver’s seat, when they should have been in the back seat at most. So goal number 1 for me is taking what makes me happy and making it the first priority, but I will share what my 2019 goals are also:
Goal 1: Put God 1st and Priscilla 2nd
Goal 2: Say & BELIEVE your Mantra every day!
Goal 3: Create 1 new experience each month
Goal 4: Be Present
Goal 5: Do What Makes You Happy! AKA- Find Genuine Happiness
These are broad non-SMART goals, but it is the big picture so the next step is breaking this big mama down into achievable chunks. Where do you even start? Well, I have been going to a workshop for women and last week we talked about making sustainable and achievable goals (hence where I got the visualization I asked you to do earlier). She says to make 3 month goals, you have something to work on for a period of time, it is long enough time to see results, but also a short enough amount of time to light a fire under your ass to get it done! So up to this point I have been really good and understanding of the material and seeing what is in front of me, but how in the french toast I get there and make the small goals is still a work in progress.
After you breakdown the 3 month goals, you turn those in to weekly goals that keep you in moving progress toward the big goal. I’m definitely not there yet.
I say all that and now I summarize. When my mind is jumbled and I feel like I am spinning in a circle, I know my current situations are not serving to me. I am a constantly rolling stone, looking to always be better, learn more, and create new friends, connections, and experiences. I have been stagnant for too long. Maybe not even totally stagnant, but not working on my goals and moving as quickly as I could towards the BIG, happy stuff. I want to do things that set my soul on fire and always give me a burning desire to be better. That is one reason I love Team SPAZ so much. I am always on fire to spread the word about suicide prevention and awareness. I am always on fire to be there for ANYONE who needs a listening ear in their moment of crisis. I am always on fire to share what it looks like to have anxiety and depression and feel like there is only one way to get rid of the black cloud. Creating Team SPAZ has saved my life and given me something to work towards consistently, always pushing me out of my comfort zone, always making me better, always making me want to share my feelings instead of hiding them inside so I can help others going through the same stuff.
Do what sets your soul on FIRE!!
Our Story ;sn’t Over!
P<3
