This post will contain a lot of valuable (well that's negotiable), raw thoughts and intentions of what this blog/movement will be, what I hope to accomplish with it, and how the first week of SPAZ being born has already been a tough-ey.
Intentions.
So as the author of this new blog and co-founder of this awesome movement, I feel it is important to share the intention of this page, blog, and movement.
The Movement- SPAZ is born out of the feeling of being lost. I feel like there is not place or cause I feel worthy or interested in being a part of. That is a problem for me. As I have said before, I am cause driven, I need purpose. The only thing I have ever had a true passion for is preventing other families from suffering the loss my family has. Not only that, but letting anyone suffering from anxiety, depression, or deep down sadness, know that they don't have to do this alone and that physical activity, of any kind, is the best medicine to relieve and live with their disease, symptoms, and heal their minds. #MoveToLive
Page- This page is for anyone who wants to know what SPAZ is about. It is home base, a place to display what we stand for, why we stand for it, and hopefully to display our growing team's information, events we will be attending/participating in, and sharing our team's spirit! We will also post photos and ideas about ways we are thinking of spreading awareness and prevention and the ways we like to get into the ZONE!
Blog- Oh the blog. This blog is a place to share ideas, ways we /I am trying to help spread the word on how to prevent suicide, what is going on in my personal battle, things that go right, things that go wrong, complete raw emotions, and thoughts on how to handle or cope with suicidal tendencies, persons, or deaths.
PSA- This is my personal blog.... We will not always talk about glum! We will celebrate good and fun times and sometimes I hope that no Brain Demon talk has to be involved and if it is, it is all about how the Brain Demon was karate chopped in the throat on that particular day, but this is my personal blog. I do hope to include things about how we or I am spreading awareness/ prevention or tips in every post, but I am not going to complete regimen myself so that the blog is no more fun. This blog is about our journey to #MoveToLive and we live that journey everyday because #OurStoryIsntOver.
Brain Demon
This week has been a doozy for me. Sunday, which I consider last week since my training schedule starts on a Monday but whatever, was a wonderful, soggy, inspiring 21 mile run through a very flooded Salem Lake Trail. I had a good run, I actually commended myself at the end for how impressed I was that I did not let my brain try and take hold with 20+ water obstacle (I was borderline considering swimming through the last one). I spent a lot of time thinking about SPAZ and out of all of those happy and inspired thoughts came our motto: "Move To L;ve" I was awe struck. How perfect was this motto to our lives! We are spreading awareness and prevention through moving our bodies and doing hard stuff, we are moving to find our purpose to live! #MoveToLive (hashtags do not like semicolons)
But then sadly, Monday came and after losing his fight Sunday, the Brain Demon came in with a vengeance to swoop up all the happiness Sunday brought. This week has just blown completely. I did not even realize I was sad and that this whole week sucking all had to do with my Brain Demon and had absolutely nothing to do with my will power, motivation, or self discipline. Last night as I sit there beating myself up for not getting in all the things this week I needed to do and not doing my planned workouts, it hits me, this is not healthy, this is not you, and you will no longer do this. Your anxiety is at an all time high, time to tell the Brain Demon to jump off, he has ridden your coat tails long enough this week.
I say all that to say, your family member/loved one/friends do not always know they are sad. They do not always know why they are completely destroying themselves mentally. Depression/anxiety/ and many other mental health ailments rear their heads without making themselves known. Want to know how I figured out this week wasn't my fault?
My mom texted me... how is your emotional relationship?
Like a ton of bricks, my whole week crumbled around me. I needed that text. I needed that comfort. Always share your support, love, and unwavering friendship with those around you. You don't know when they need it most.
Our Story ;sn't Over
Be Different and Love Deeply My Friends,
P <3